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that you have a situation where your husband just is not capable of offering you the support that you need during these difficult times. you knew this about him before you got married you decided to him because this characteristic was not a deal breaker for you. so, I just don't what the issue is here? you want to know if you are being selfish? there is no concrete answer to that. I was inclined toward the advice someone gave about letting your DH in and letting him deal with the events on his own as they play out. this way bad news isn't just dumped onto him from nowhere which can lead to an overreaction. If he is a part of the process, hearing medical terms, included within the decision making process, aware of everything in a logical and intellectual way then this might help to ease the initial impact of bad news because he can truly understand, and has had time to mentally prepare and internalize things. although you have already made your decision that this is not something that you want. it seems like you are just trying to find some personal validation for this decision. there really isn't a right or wrong answer to your scenerio. why don't you have two people with you? your cousin and your DH. and unfortunately, your argument about your DH rights are a mute point. he does have certain legal and moral "rights" it seems your relationship is rather turbulent and there are a lot of underlying issues at play here that are unhealthy and affecting your decision making. I do that you work out these issues. best to bring a into a relationship a relationship where both partners feel secure with each other and can communicate efectively with each other. the kid isn't even born yet and you are already complaining of his lack of parenting. sounds like a power struggle. sounds like a red.